Vacuum
by Colors Changing Hue
Summary: He had felt pain before - but not like this." Jasper's will to continue his existence is dwindling, & the Cullens are becoming worried it may be hopeless. Everything changes when Jasper begins to feel the pull towards a human that Edward did for Bella.
1. Chapter 1

**Set after Breaking Dawn 4 or 5 years… reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy it!!**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 1**

Jasper Hale had been attacked time and time again by newborn vampires. He had lived through war and survived rifle wounds as a human. He has dealt with the burning in his throat for human blood to keep his cover. He had felt pain before – but not like this.

Edward slowly inched towards the corner of Jasper's room, which was pitch black. Rosalie, Emmett, Bella, Carlisle, and Esme all watched warily from the hallway through the cracked door.

"He's gone, Jasper. We tore him apart." There was no response from the figure huddled in the corner of the room, holding his knees to his chest and sitting in complete stillness.

_I don't want to speak to anyone, Edward. It's hard enough for me to keep from destroying everything in sight – you should leave the room now._

Edward looked to the floor, and then kneeled down at human speed. "I don't want to leave you this way-" A fierce growl from the corner of the room stifled his comment. Esme couldn't listen any longer. Neither could Rosalie. Emmett couldn't stand to see Jasper so disoriented and fragile. They all turned to leave except Bella and Carlisle. Bella inwardly praised her decision to let Jacob take Renesmee for a few weeks, who was now the equivalent of an eleven year old human girl.

_Tell Bella to leave. I don't want her in my sight._

"Jasper-"

_She should have stopped him, Edward! She only had one job-_

"She can't read minds, Jasper. She had no way of knowing what he would do. None of us did."

_Get out._

"Just talk to us, Jasper. Talk to Carlisle at least."

_Get out, Edward._

Edward looked to Carlisle through the door, who had dismissed Bella from the hallway. He nodded at his adopted son, and opened the door, meant to be indicative of a need for Edward to leave the room like Jasper wanted. Edward sighed and walked past him, looking gloomily at Carlisle as he passed him.

Jasper began shaking with rage and grief, both of which had seemed to join together as one horrific, relentless wave of emotion. He glared at the door, where Carlisle stood, ready to listen. He shook his head and looked out the window.

"We all love her, Jasper." Jasper laughed, disgusted with the entire situation. "We love you, too, you know." He watched the light of the room be diminished to nothing but starlight as it made its way through the treetops. Carlisle had always respected Jasper's privacy, and tonight was no different.

"Well?" Esme looked hopefully at her love's distraught face.

Edward sighed and shook his head. "He didn't say anything. To either of us."

She turned her head back to Carlisle, who shook his head in agreement. Edward took Bella's hand and held it tight, as if he may lose her immediately following his release of it. Emmett had Rosalie engulfed in his arms, overly protective, with the same fear that she would disappear. Carlisle sat next to Esme and intertwined his fingers with hers and kissed her forehead. None of them quite knew what to do. Jasper was on the verge of spiraling into a destructive path as an outlet for his grief. Eight people had been killed in Forks in the last week by an intrusive vampire with no remorse or respect for the Cullens' cover – though Edward and Emmett had disposed of him after Jasper dismantled the first half of him. Darkness had fallen over their coven – out of spite, the vampire had also taken a ninth victim. Alice Cullen was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**

* * *

  
**

**_**Earlier that evening**_**

"Bella, _RUN!_" Edward shouted from across the field as he prepared to free himself from the vice this nomad vampire had him in.

His name was Jacques, and he was on a rampage. He hadn't feasted in months, and he had killed eight people in Forks alone this week.

Upon temporarily returning to Forks to put a stop to the killing spree, the Cullens had racked their brains for reasons why they seemed unable to capture this exceptionally monstrous killer, desperate to keep the Volturi out of their lives for as long as they could. Alice could never tell who his next victim would be. Her visions appeared only moments before the person would be killed. Edward could hear no talk of him, nor could he hear his thoughts, for he kept to the outskirts of the 'suburbs' of the area. One evening, Bella had been walking through town and looking through alley ways, when she saw someone literally disappear into thin air.

"I've heard of powers like this," Carlisle had said. There were certain vampires that had had a certain knack for subtle telekinesis as humans. Of course, these abilities were distorted and enflamed upon transformation, enabling them to manipulate matter through space – or, in this case, pull their prey right off the street without anyone noticing them. "It would seem that he picks them randomly, which would explain why Alice can't seem to keep track of his path. He doesn't have one."

Their hunt and Jacques' love for a good fight had culminated in a face off in a field off in the forest. He sensed the family members with exceptionally advanced abilities, and had gone after them first. At this point, he had already relocated Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, and Jasper many miles away. While they were running at their top speed, there was still a ticking clock on the outcome of the battle. He now held Edward against a tree, believing him to be the last one. As he had prepared to rip a piece of Edward from his own body, Bella had become overwhelmed with preeminent grief and stepped out of the shadows. Jacques took significant note of this move, and his attention had turned to the relatively new member of the family.

"Bella, _RUN!_" Edward screamed desperately. He heard Jacques detailing out how he would dispose of this young vampire, and rage boiled inside of him. He lunged at Jacques, but he sent Edward through the space-time continuum and headed back towards Bella, who was in shock, as well as a momentary memory lapse, as she forgot she had any defense against mental abilities.

Alice remained crouched in the bushes, still as stone, trying to search for any sign of how this might turn out, looking for a hint of what to do in defense. Just then she noticed Bella's body tense, and knew she was once again alert and was wrapping a force field around the two of them.

Edward tumbled through the air and crashed into Emmett. Luckily, Jacques had not been concentrating when excommunicating Edward from the field, and he joined his family no more than a forty-five second run to the field – but a lot could happen in forty-five seconds. They ran into the field and saw Bella standing alone, frozen. Edward ran to her side at top speed.

"Bella? Are you alright? Where is Jacques?" She was staring into space, seemingly unable to respond. Edward shook her out of her trance and she jerked her head in his direction, meeting his eyes with frightened, confused eyes of her own. "Bella? Bella, talk to me. Where is Jacques? What happened? Did he hurt you?"

His concern was interrupted by a loud demanding question laced with a growl.

"WHERE IS ALICE?" Everyone turned to Jasper, who was shaking uncontrollably as he realized she was absent from her hiding spot.

Edward looked back at Bella, who was still staring at him. "Bella? Where is Alice?" She shook her head and began rubbing her temples with the ends of her palms. He pulled her hands away from her face gently and stroked it. "Bella, sweetheart – what happened?"

Everyone began circling around her in anticipation.

"He… I was spreading my force field to protect Alice, and he knocked me out of the way before I could react to his movement."

"Bella, where is Alice?!" Jasper was slightly more calm, but he was still on the verge of shouting.

She shook her head again, rubbing her temples. "Bella," Edward said, "what is it? What happened? Why do you keep doing that?"

"He broke my concentration. It's almost like the field back lashed into my brain. When I looked up, he told me the other one would do, the one hiding in the bushes. Alice jumped out and before I knew it, they were both gone."

The last phrase hit Jasper like a ton of bricks.

"You had one job. To protect us-"

"Jasper." Carlisle' chastisement silenced him. "Bella, you did what you could. He outsmarted all of us. None of us have dealt with someone with this type of power before." He turned his attention to Edward. "Can you locate either of them?" Edward concentrated for a few seconds, and opened his eyes, shaking his head almost as if in slow motion.

"Well what do we do? Just wait? How do we know where to look for him?" Emmett was getting restless. He was fed up with this selfish monster and he wanted a good, fair fight.

Carlisle sighed. "We don't."

"What do you mean we don't? There's no slightest clue?" Jasper seemed to be losing all control of himself. He was all but on a rampage himself at the moment.

Esme put her arm around Bella's shoulder. "Bella, how long have they been gone?"

She shook her head again and threw her hands in the air, feeling completely helpless. "I don't know. Twenty-five, thirty seconds, maybe? I still can't think straight. That field hit my brain stem pretty hard."

"Just long enough." They all turned their heads and immediately assumed the attack position at his voice. Jasper was growling at a constant, terrifying rate. "Just long enough to have a little fun before disposing of it."

At the term 'it,' Jasper lost all of his self-control. He was in his most innate military mode of offense as he launched himself upon the creature, ripping his arm off of him. A blood-curdling cry rang out as he continued to rip members and digits and chunks of muscle from him, before Emmett, Carlisle, and Edward pulled him off of him. The women were already on building the fire, and they began throwing the dismembered pieces into it. Carlisle held Jasper to the ground, trying to get him back into his somewhat normal state of mind. He gestured to the fire, ordering Edward and Emmett to finish the disposal of the disgusting vampire.

Jasper pushed to get through him to the fire to join them, but Carlisle ran him back to the house before he could get farther. He went to Jasper's room and put him against the wall. Jasper thrashed against him, but his movements got more and more defeated as he began to slip into what looked to Carlisle to be a total and complete emotional breakdown.

"Jasper. Grab hold of yourself – don't forget who you are." Jasper shuddered as he remembered the last time Carlisle had used the phrase with Edward. It was when Bella had been nearly killed by James.

"I need to see Alice, Carlisle – let go of me!" Carlisle held back his own emotions as he kept Jasper against the wall.

"No, Jasper. You need to get a grasp on yourself immediately. You're having an emotional breakdown."

Jasper reached past Carlisle and grabbed at air. "I need Alice with me. She's right there, please just let me go, Carlisle!" If vampires could cry, Jasper would have been streaming rivers out of his eyes at this point. Finally, Carlisle's persistence paid off, and Jasper buried his head in his hands as he stopped resisting completely.

"Jasper-"

Jasper pushed Carlisle away from him repeatedly, and then wrapped his arms around him tighter than he had ever embraced anybody in his entire existence. His knees began to buckle, and Carlisle helped him to the lounge chair by the wall, but Jasper pushed him away again and crashed against the wall, stumbling to the corner and sliding to the ground. He buried his face in his knees and shook silently.

Carlisle couldn't bear to watch him this way. He exited and stood in the hallway, not wanting to disturb him, but staying close enough to come if Jasper needed someone – or decided to do something rash.


	3. Chapter 3

**This is a short one, but I've got a good run of this story so far in my head, so I'm going to try and get it out as fast as I can! Thank you for the reviews - they're very encouraging and welcomed with open arms :) **

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3**

The Cullens all sat in the living room, unable to make themselves check on Jasper. Every now and then, one of them would throw a worried glance to Edward, who would listen in to reassure them that he was still in the house. Besides that, he tried his best to give Jasper his privacy. Edward and Bella sat on the piano bench, but he didn't play. Every so often he would try to make himself, just to pass time, but he could never squeeze out more than two or three disjointed notes held for mere milliseconds before he would drop them altogether and grab Bella's hand once again.

None of them needed to hunt – they had been preparing to stay alert for the impending battle with Jacques by excessively satisfying their thirst. They simply sat in their empty house on the few pieces of furniture they had left behind, at a loss for any activity to pass the time.

Just then, there were the faintest sounds of graceful footsteps on the staircase. Every head turned towards the entry way into the living room. Jasper stopped at the archway of the room and leaned against the wall. He held himself upright and poised, as always, and he looked straight ahead, avoiding eye contact with each and every one of them.

Edward opened his mind to Jasper's thoughts, anxious to know what the right thing to say might be. As it was, there was nothing Jasper was looking to hear from any of them.

_Edward – I know you are listening. I don't want to discuss it right now, not to anyone. Not even to Carlisle. Let him know I will come to him in due time. I want to return to Vancouver, now, please._

Edward nodded, and Jasper nodded in receipt of his response. He then left the room and went to gather belongings to bring back to their new-temporary home in Vancouver, British Columbia.

"Let's go back home." Nobody said a word in complaint, and they simply followed Jasper's example. Carlisle stopped and waited for everyone to filter out of the room, and looked at Edward.

"What did he say to you?"

"He told me to relay to you that he'll talk to you when he's ready." Carlisle nodded and patted Edward's shoulder. The Cullens left Forks once again.

* * *

"Yes, Jake, I'm serious. We've already left to go back to Vancouver. Edward and I will come to pick her up in another few weeks." She paused as Jacob continued to shower her with gratitude over the phone. "Yes. You, too. Goodbye."

"I'll bet he was happy about that." Bella smiled and kissed Edward's cheek. Her smile quickly faded, which did not go unnoticed. "Bella, love? What's wrong?"

She sighed and looked out the window. "I feel… guilty. Being happy right now, it makes me feel guilty."

He wrapped her hand up in his as he drove. "We all have a few grieving stages to face in the near future. We need to take solace in the things we are still blessed to have."

"What does Jasper have now? A family surrounding him that's full of happy couples, one with a healthy child?"

Edward couldn't think of a good way to respond to his wife, and he simply kissed her hand and traced her skin with his finger for the rest of the drive.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Days passed trivially as they all did their best to cope with the loss of their brightest ball of energy that kept their family thriving. Jasper seemed to become numb to everything. Nothing interested him anymore. Not baseball, not reading or writing or music. He didn't even enjoy his hunting trips anymore – he simply fed and returned home. No strategies or struggles that always highlighted his trips. There was no point anymore.

"Carlisle?" Jasper knocked on the door of his study as he stepped in solemnly.

"Hello," he said as he stacked up some paper work he had been filling out and set it aside. He leaned forward and gestured to the chair that faced him just across the desk.

Jasper looked at the ground for a few moments, but Carlisle waited patiently. He knew his son would gather the strength if he gave him enough time and space.

"I…" He looked up at his adoptive father. "I don't feel anything anymore. She… she was my reason for existing."

"I know, Jasper. She held special places in all of our souls unparalleled by nothing but that of our true loves."

"She is my true love, Carlisle. Even in her absence, I love her still. I can't live for eternity this way, and I can never love another the same way."

"Loss is difficult, I know. But you don't have to go through this alone. We all lost her, and we are all willing to be there for you just as we are attempting to be there for each other."

"What's the point? Carlisle, it's all I can do not to throw myself into the hands of the Volturi or some other savage of our kind… just to make this pain go away. This emptiness."

"Jasper, please don't think that way. We all love you dearly – there are still things to live for in this world. In time, you may find another person that satiates your emptiness just enough to keep you happy. Even if the joy is gone forever, happiness is worth it. Not to mention it would shatter Esme's world if you did."

"I know it would. I just don't know if I'm this strong, Carlisle. I'm practically stone, but my mind… it's fragile. I'm afraid of what would happen if I were to break – permanently."

Carlisle stood and came around to sit against the end of his desk. "I have faith in you, my son. You have endured a substantial number of trials in your lifespan – don't let yourself be defeated now."

Jasper thought for a moment, and he stood up to leave. "Jasper," he called. He turned to face the doctor. "Promise me you will try. I'll help you."

He nodded and left the room.

Over the next few weeks, he seemed to return to partial normalcy. He tried his best to enjoy the hunting trips, and he participated blankly in their games and activities. He looked forward to the day that he would begin his freshman year at a local university at summer's end. It was something to break up the monotony of summer – being a vampire that has nothing to do takes its toll on one's attention span.

His enthusiasm was still missing, even behind his smile and laughter. He put forth all he had to continue to enjoy his life, but there was a vacuum inside of his soul that kept pulling him further and further away from his family, and it was a struggle that he was not fairing too well in.

"Come in, Jasper." Edward put down his book and paused the CD he had in his stereo as he heard Jasper approach his bedroom door.

"Hey. Do you have a minute?"

"Jasper, I'm immortal. Of course, I've got a minute."

"Very funny."

Edward laughed and closed the door. "Yeah, of course. Come on in."

Jasper sighed and put his head in his hands as he took a seat on the 'bed.'

"How are you holding up?"

He looked out the window and shook his head, his gaze falling upon his feet for lack of better purpose. "Not good, Ed. I'm going through the motions, but everything is so…" He searched for a good word to fit the description.

"Empty? Pointless? Altogether unimportant?"

He laughed to himself and looked out the window. "Yeah. To a 't', actually."

Edward sat down next to his brother. "I know what it feels like, that emptiness. When I thought Bella was gone for good…" He began to revisit a mental state he hadn't known in five or six years, a mindset that very much coincided with Jasper's present state of being. He looked at the floor and kneaded the air between his hands as he recalled the pain he had felt when he'd seen the vision of the cliffs in Alice's head. "I wasn't well. You remember the whole thing – I was moments away from throwing myself into the hands of the Volturi. I didn't want to exist anymore."

"Edward, I know I'm putting on a good show of recovery, but every day the battle to stay 'alive', if you will, gets more and more menacing. I'm losing terribly. I don't know how to lose battles… I don't know how much longer I can go on this way."

Edward turned to him and put his hand on his shoulder. "Jazz, I was stupid and selfish. I almost cost this coven its existence. Not to mention, I hurt many people that I love."

"But what's the point, Edward? Your love wasn't _actually_ dead."

At this, Edward pulled his hand back to his own personal space. "I know. But that saying – 'hindsight is better than foresight' – it has an incredible amount of sense to its reputation. I nearly crushed Esme with that stunt – and I didn't even go through with it."

Jasper paused, processing this viewpoint. He hadn't thought of that aspect of the situation. They all loved him, too, no matter how new his membership in this family was. Was it worth putting them all through that pain twice? Was that worth this torture that he couldn't escape, a torture that he would endure for an eternity?

Edward processed Jasper's thoughts, trying to gauge his present chosen path. "I can't tell you if it's worth it, for I haven't lived through a situation like this. I can only tell you of the guilt that racked me for months after I returned to Forks. This family… it's an intricately woven system, you know. We can't let it unravel completely, Jasper."

Jasper stood and paced to the wall and put a hand out to lean on. He continued to stare out the window as he spoke. "I know it's selfish, Edward, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this. I'm not a selfless person."

"Jasper, of course you are selfless. You didn't succeed the way you did in the military through selfishness and laziness and cowardice. I don't know if you're aware of how much I respect the trials you have overcome in your time."

Jasper felt a touched smile twitch at the corner of his lips. "Thank you, Edward."

"Promise me that you'll try – think about what Carlisle told you, about finding someone. You don't need to love her like you did Alice. You can't – but it's worth finding some sort of happiness, isn't it? Something meaningful to live for?"

Jasper considered the option. He couldn't imagine showing affection to somebody after losing her. He loved her so much, they shared everything. Still, the thought of being able to find at the very least a substantial level of peace and happiness greatly trumped the appeal of suicide. It was definitely something to at least think about for a while.

He headed to the door and opened it, but Edward stood. Even though he had heard Jasper considering the option, he needed to keep him to some form of accountability. He needed to hear it physically come out of his mouth. "Jasper."

He turned to face Edward and put on the best masque smile he had grown so accustomed to. "I promise. I will try." He started out again, but turned around one last time. "Thank you, Edward."

"Anytime." He smiled at him and watched the door close. Despite the promise he pulled out of his brother, he couldn't shake the feeling that Jasper was still a bomb standing stagnate, waiting to be ignited. _God help him. God help us all if he goes off…_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Jasper stepped out of the Volvo – he felt like being inconspicuous for a while – and slung his messenger bag over his shoulder before shutting the door. He breathed in the fresh air and closed his eyes, analyzing every scent that made its way into his nasal passage. The air reeked of human blood, and it sent a small fire blazing down the surface of his throat.

_This will be good for me_, he mused. _I need to continue to build up my immunity to them – wow. _It had been a while since he had submersed himself in a large group of humans, and he had forgotten the pungency of their scent and how it made his throat swell up. Yes, this would be a good distraction, a pleasant and welcomed change.

He adjusted the bag and opened his eyes and walked towards the main library and bookstore of the Burnaby Mountain campus of Simon Fraser University. He approached the sign, which read _W.A.C. Bennett Library_, and paused to check his wallet to make sure he had brought cash to purchase a few books based on what classes he could get into. To be truthful, he hadn't meant to pursue any real program at the school. Every so often the Cullens liked to test out some newer fields developing, and would use recent transcripts to get into just about any class they felt like taking. He walked inside and into the registrar's office.

"Hello."

The registrar turned in her chair to address the new student, and had to take a double-take to regain her composure. Jasper was flashing his most mesmerizing smile – might as well start laying on the charm early on.

"H..how may I help you, young man?" She cleared her throat as she grazed over the word 'young.' Jasper laughed to himself. This woman reminded him of the secretary back at Forks High School, Shelley Cope. A sting of nostalgia found its way into his smile and he refocused on the task at hand.

"I made a spur of the moment decision to come her this fall. I was wondering what classes were still available for this semester?"

"Yes, let me look real quick." As he listened to the click of her mouse and tapping of her keys, he studied students as they passed by the office window. Somehow, it didn't seem very different from observing a high school hallway. But perhaps that might be because Jasper has played the university game almost as much as he has high school.

"Alright, here we have a few." She paused, remembering a rather important question. "Are you currently enrolled here, Mr…."

"Jasper Hale."

"Mr. Hale, right. Have you already taken care of registration?"

"I was told by my father it should be taken care of."

"Alright, well we have a wide array of classes left, though they are limited. What are you interested in?"

He shrugged. "Anything, I guess. I'm undecided on a major for the time being."

"Well, we have Music Appreciation," _Boring_, he thought, "Intermediate Golf," _Too risky,_ "a few different levels of Physics," _Done it before_, "American Literature in History…" _Lived through it. Don't they have anything worth while?_ "Oh, it seems some spots in the intermediate Marine Biology labs."

"What are the prerequisites for those?"

She gave him an odd look, wondering how on earth this eighteen year old boy could be eligible for it. "Looks like entry level Biology and Chemistry, and Marine Habitats." _Perfect,_ he thought.

"I've taken care of the first two – is it possible to sign up for both Habitats and the lab at the same time?"

"Well, I'm not supposed to…" He smiled at her and ran his hand through his hair, brushing it back. He had learned how to charm his way into what he wanted over the years. "Well, I suppose you could drop the lab if it's too much for you. You still need 12 hours as a minimum, though. Would you like to hear the rest of the openings?"

"Yes, please. Thank you very much."

He ended up registering for the two Marine Biology courses, Advanced Russian (he had been meaning to brush up on his Russian, anyways), and his personal favorite – Capital Punishment. He figured he may as well have some fun while he was at this whole charade. He proceeded to the bookstore's front desk, leaving a perplexed registrar at her desk, and handed the clerk his schedule. He paid cash for his books and looked at his schedule.

_Intermediate Marine Biology Lab – MMB 207 – 09:30am_. He checked his watch – 9:07. _Being early never hurt anybody, I guess._ He strolled to the building using the various maps posted on signs around the campus, and took in the atmosphere to see if he'd be entertained here for a substantial amount of time. Finally he found himself inside the McCrary Marine Building – apparently they were particularly strong in the field of marine biology here. As he made his way up the steps towards the lab hall, he inhaled the oceanic fumes that radiated throughout the hallway – well, they stood out to his acute hyperactive senses, anyways. He welcomed the unfamiliar smell, glad to catalogue a different category into his brain for later. He watched the signs above the doors as he walked by them.

_204..205..206… Ah. Here we are. _He adjusted his bag one more time and stepped inside the room. He inhaled again, but this time was not met with the amplified aquatic aroma. His throat was enflamed all of the sudden, and he became nearly overwhelmed by the human's scent. It had hit him like a ton of bricks. Every detail of it was burned into his brain and throat, and he found himself overcome by his instincts.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Within an instant, he was behind her as she thumbed through the books on the professor's shelf, meant for public use. The scent was unbelievably strong here, merely a few feet away from his new victim. How sweet her blood would taste, how his eyes would blaze a terrifyingly deep crimson – Jasper shook his head and turned his head away from her. He thought of the last time he had looked into a mirror to see those red eyes throwing their piercing gaze back at him. Carlisle, though understanding of his slip, had been gravely disappointed in Jasper. Everyone had – they had to move because of that mistake. No, he couldn't risk it all for this girl's blood. He turned back to look at her tiny frame. Honestly, there wasn't much to her – he wouldn't even be satisfied by the amount of blood she would dispense.

He looked carefully around the room, simultaneously cutting off his oxygen intake for the moment, and was relieved to see a few students just now trickling in. She had been the first one in here. He turned back to her and his gaze followed her long, cascading waves of honey blonde hair, which fell short of the small of her back. She was tiny, but not terribly athletic – somewhat like Bella had looked like as a human, but much shorter. Perhaps she had been born premature?

As his thoughts rambled on, he realized he had been standing there for a good four or five seconds. Not wanting to frighten her, he turned to leave, but not before he would be the audience of a small, startled scream.

"Oh my god!" She put her hand over her heart and leaned against the bookshelf. "Sorry. You..scared me a little, there. I didn't even hear you come up…" As she nervously rambled, he examined her face, which was just short of symmetrical. She was tan, most likely a product of her environment before she came to Vancouver – she definitely was not from the northern half of the U.S. Her teeth were slightly disoriented, just barely – only enough for a vampire to be able to notice. They were quite white, nonetheless. Her features were more rounded and soft, not at all like Alice's had been.

It was her razor blue eyes, though, that had captured his attention. They were like the water one might find at the tropical shores of an island – you couldn't guess the depth, for it was crystal clear and hid nothing on the ocean floor to imagination for up to thirty or forty feet. They indeed were quite captivating.

"Hello? Are you there?"

He shook his head and rejoined her reality. "I'm sorry, I'm feeling a little off today. You were saying?" He put his hands in his jacket pockets, which were tightening into fists as he took a breath to speak and steadied himself in the midst of her scent.

She folded her arms around the book she had selected from the shelf, slightly embarrassed that she had rambled so much. "Nothing. Just… you startled me, that's all."

Jasper smiled meekly – and a tad nervously – unsure of how to explain his sudden appearance. _Wow, he's… wow,_ she mused. His smile was almost enchanting, even the half-smile such as the one he gave at the present moment. She tried not to stare too long at his eyes, for their golden amber tone were quite unique and definitely captivating.

"I was just… looking to check out one of his books." He tried to leave as little room for conversation as possible, hoping to be able to hold his breath for the remainder of the period. "Excuse me…" He motioned to the shelf, and she laughed, rather embarrassed, as she scooted aside.

"Right, sorry." He started thumbing through the binding on each one, trying to look as if he _actually_ needed one. He couldn't just pull one off the shelf and walk away, because he had to hold up his charade – _Why hasn't she left yet?_ He realized that she had only been standing there for a moment or two, and it wasn't quite the amplified drawn out period of time to her as it was to him. The burning in his throat had ceased for now, as he cut off his oxygen supply, but the memory of it still remained with fierce intensity. The temptation to breath in the addicting scent was all too present with her so close. He needed to get away.

He finally pulled out the book under his hand, who's title he didn't bother to read, and turned to her, fiddling with the book in his hands like a human should. He took a small breath to speak, and the scent hit the walls of his throat once again with intense appeal. "Found what I was looking for." He smiled politely, as he calmed the burning before he went to leave.

"I'm Anna." She held out her hand to shake his. He knew that was not a possibility, and hated to be rude to the seemingly pleasant young woman. Somehow, he found rudeness to take precedent over cold-blooded murder.

"Jasper." He nodded and smiled again and turned to leave. "I'll see you around."

He tried to keep at a human pace as he walked to the opposite side of the room to sit down, his mind racing. It was too much – he was here to distract himself from his grief, not to further his torture. He couldn't stay. That's all there was to it. But what if he could overcome the challenge presented by this girl, Anna? Perhaps he had reached a new plateau in his quest for ultimate self-control? Sadness filled him as he desperately wished that he could ask Alice what would happen with all of this. She would assure him of his limits, whether or not he would push them too far. It seemed as if Jasper had lost all self-assurance when he lost her, unable to harness it again.

"Alright class, let's get started." A tall, thin slightly balding man entered the room and set a conglomerate of jumbled papers and folders on the desk at the front of the room as students chose seats to take. Jasper's eyes flickered to the other side of the room, where he saw Anna sitting down. _Thank god…_ At least she wouldn't be inches away from him three days a week for an hour and a half.

"My name is Professor Mike Thompson, and don't get too comfortable." _Oh no…_ That phrase always meant there was assigned seating. Always. _Please don't put her by me…_ "We'll be going pretty basic here – alphabetical order by last name. I don't feel like learning your faces too well. Sorry if a few of you are misplaced – I just ran this off a few minutes ago. I won't always be late, so don't count on it." He smiled, indicating his lack of seriousness, and he turned on the overhead machine, where he placed his seating chart. Jasper held his breath as he searched for his name. _There… a few seats from the end of the row. That shouldn't be too bad…_ His fists tightened again as he read the name of the person who would be sitting to his right all semester – that is, if he decides to stay after today's marine bio-lab from hell.

Anna gathered her things and stood up from her seat to make way for its new occupant. She scanned the chart for her name.

_There we are, 'Anna Gunderson'_._ Between 'Lane Garrett'_ _and-_ Her stomach tied in a small knot as she discovered who would be sitting to her left. _Jasper Hale. _She involuntarily gulped and began making her way to her seat. The walk to her chair seemed like the longest seventeen seconds in her life. She settled in and pulled out her notebook and a pen, and was beginning to calm down when she saw a pale figure in her peripheral vision coming closer to her.

She looked up warily to greet her new neighbor, and she tried to keep her heart at a steady rate as he smiled at her once more. _That smile will be the end of me, I swear…_

Jasper smiled out of pliteness once again as he took his place next to Anna, in attempt to cover up his internal battle to keep her alive.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Edward tossed his keys on the island of the Cullens' kitchen and hung his coat in the hall closet.

"Hey Jazz," he called as he walked into the living room, "where are you? I saw the car and wanted to ask how your day-" Bella came around the corner and cut him off with a quick kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and smiled before kissing her again, a little less reserved than she had. "That's a nice way to come home. Where's Jasper? I wanted to see how his classes are." He studied Bella's expression, which was one of uncertainty and a hint of fear. "What?"

"I would just be… careful… when you talk to him." He pushed her away and took her hand as he walked up the stairs to find his brother.

"Why do you say that, Bella?" Before he could get his words completely out of his mouth, he heard a deep growl from upstairs. "What was that?"

She sighed. "That? That was Jasper."

Emmett appeared at the top of the stairs, looking very perturbed. Edward listened in to see what the fuss was about. _I was just asking what was up with him. The twirp… _He curtly acknowledged Edward and Bella as he went past them and out the front door. Edward continued up the stairs and turned around to find out why she took her hand out of his and refused to come with him.

"Are you serious? You're _scared_ of Jasper?"

She shrugged. "I'm not going up there. He's pissed, Edward."

He rolled his eyes and laughed to himself and walked up the stairs, pausing at Jasper's door. Before entering, he listened to his thoughts.

_If that's Edward at the door, come in. Anybody else – go the hell away. I'll talk to you later._

Edward's smile quickly dropped. Jasper _was_ pissed. He prepared himself and opened the door.

"Jasper? What's going on?"

"Meet me in the forest. I need to talk to you." Before Edward could respond, his brother was gone.

_What on earth…_ he mumbled mentally as he followed suit.

Edward's pursuit ended at the top of one of the redwoods overlooking a valley, where he found the once-soldier gazing out vacantly over the serene scenery.

"Jasper, what happened?"

"I can't go to SFU."

"Why?"

Jasper looked down, fearing saying it out loud would make reliving the pain of the thirst all that much worse. He replayed it in his mind – the scent hitting his nostrils with brute force, the innocence and authenticity of the girl he found himself inches away from, the waning of his self-control as the class dragged on.

Edward's hand touched his own throat absent-mindedly as he relived Jasper's struggle with him. "Oh… wow."

"When you first experienced Bella's scent…"

"I wanted to kill her. I plotted out how long it would take to eliminate the twenty witnesses around me before she ran."

He looked Edward in the eye. "I can't go back, Edward. This is a bad idea."

"This is really something you should discuss with Carlisle, Jazz."

"_No_. He'll tell me to push through it. I can't do that, Edward. It's hard enough to push through… everything else." He looked back out over the valley, and emptiness seemed to fill his expression again. Edward tried to tune out the pain in Jasper's head – it was hard enough to tune out his own grief all the time.

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Jasper shot him a disdainful glare. "I'm just saying, maybe this is just the thing to get your mind elsewhere. Think of the progress this would mean for you in coexisting with humans."

Jasper shook his head and laughed hopelessly. "And if I kill her?"

It was Edward's turn to divert his gaze to the vast landscape. "You should really talk to Carlisle."

"Edward, I'm talking to _you_. I'm talking to you because you went through this exact situation. You left for almost a week after that day you met Bella… What made you come back?"

Edward sighed as he recalled the trip. It had been a difficult decision to return to Forks – and a selfish one, at that. He remembered every detail of this thought process during that week he had run north, toying with the thought of permanent disappearance. In the end, there had been two reasons why he had returned. First, Bella was an enigma like he had never experienced before, one that he was drawn to. Second, he needed to know that he was strong enough to face the temptation head on – after so many years living the 'vegetarian' lifestyle, he liked to think he had more willpower. What would Carlisle had thought of him?

"Edward?"

He snapped out of his reminiscence. "Sorry. I kind of got lost in thought for a minute, there."

Jasper smiled wryly. "Yours or mine?" Edward smiled to himself, understanding Jasper's inner battle going on, and empathizing with him to an excruciating degree.

"I came back because I was selfish. I wanted her, despite my _wanting_ her. Do you want her? Or do you just… _want _her?"

"You know that _I _can't read _your _thoughts, right?"

"You know what I'm asking you."

"I want Alice."

"Jasper-"

"No, Edward. This isn't fair. I can't deal with this on top of trying to motivate myself to stay…" _Alive, _Edward heard him mutter mentally, "…here, with all of you." He knew Edward had heard it, and that no matter how hard Jasper might try, his brother would know how much he wanted to stop existing. What was the point?

"Jasper, just tell me – can you stay away from her?"

He hesitated longer than he had planned to in response to the question he knew Edward would ask. There had been something about the girl's innocent smile that had caught his attention, something that he had never seen in any other human girl before. Or, was it that he had never been looking for it, having found the love of his life – and afterlife – already? Whatever it was, when he thought about her smile he burned with desire – not to taste the blood running through her veins, though that was ever present, but to find out why she held that particular trait, to find out what kind of person would lie behind such a genuine demeanor. He remembered feeling her nerves in the air when she had looked him in the eye. He remembered the sound of her heart beating faster than it should be. He remembered that it had made him forget about his loss for a brief second, though it had been quickly replaced with the thirst.

He looked up at Edward, who he knew had heard everything and felt everything that was going through his mind. _I don't know._

"Hm." He looked back out to the valley as he thought. "Well, it would seem you're in a bit of a predicament, then. Honestly? I think you should try and stick it out for a few days. If it's overwhelming, then drop out. Try a different distraction. If not, then you'll do well for yourself to make it through a semester there, at least."

"What if that feeling _is _overwhelming? Should I condemn her to being the unfortunate object of a monster's affection?"

Edward smiled to himself and looked back at Jasper. "I was talking about her scent."

"Right. That, too." He noticed Edward's wry smile. "Edward, this isn't a _good_ thing. Stop that." Edward hid his smile, but Jasper could feel his elation in the air around him. Edward thought this girl meant a chance at happiness again for his brother. Surely it wasn't worth it anymore… Though – what was it Carlisle had said?

_Even if the joy is gone forever, happiness is worth it._

Jasper shifted in his place on the branch, irritated. Why was it that everyone seemed to have a grasp on this concept but him?


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The following Wednesday, Jasper made sure not to be quite so punctual for his bio-lab. As he took each step up the stairs towards his class, he inhaled a ration of air to use in his hopefully minimal conversation with Anna Gunderson. Maybe that way he wouldn't have to handle her scent. As he reached the top of the staircase he cut off his breathing. _You can do this._

Though he had made it right on time, most of the class had already checked out some of the required lab materials and were in their seats, ready to begin class. He walked over to his seat and slung his messenger bag around his head and set it on the ground.

"Hey." He looked up, greeted by a friendly smile and those piercing blue eyes.

He gave a small half smile, just enough to be friendly. "Hello, again."

"Oh, here…" She leaned over and grabbed a textbook and package containing the lab materials from her backpack and handed them to him. "I didn't know if you would be here, so I got them just in case."

He hadn't expected that. _Her backpack? That stuff is going to be drenched in her scent… great. _"Uh, thank you." He took them silently and put the package in his bag and set the textbook in front of him.

"Something wrong?"

_Aside from the fact that if I have to take another breath in the next fifty minutes it may mean the end of your life and possibly every other person in this room?_

"No, I guess I'm still waking up." He flashed a smile to try and stifle her conversation. He could hear her heartbeat quicken at the act, and mentally crossed his fingers it would make her too nervous to continue the conversation.

"Another off day?"

_Stop talking to me. Don't you know how dangerous it is?_

"It would seem." He turned his attention to the safety rules the professor was going over.

She waited a minute before speaking again. "You're not very talkative, are you?" Her voice was laced with an odd combination of playfulness and genuine curiosity. He looked over to her, and was met with those curious blue eyes that seemed to go on forever. She was a natural conversationalist, this he could see. But somehow he seemed to get a feeling from her that she wasn't the typical vapid chatter box that usually accompanied such tan skin and blonde hair.

"We should really be listening to this." He gestured to the board and turned back to his notebook and wrote a few things down to occupy himself.

"Yeah. Good point."

Jasper was mentally kicking himself. The plan _had _been to alienate her, to be rude and rather annoying.. _Not _to be awkwardly charming, which he gathered the effect to be based on the small smile she held throughout a majority of the duration of the class. But when he thought of snapping at her or making an offhand condescending remark tinged with arrogance, it made him feel a strange sadness – rudeness meant pushing her away, and for some reason the thought of her losing interest in being his friend bothered him a lot more than it should have.

As he mentally rambled on and on about his confusion associated with this girl, time passed rather quickly, and soon the bell was ringing. He was up and leaving within seconds and was out the door by the time most people were leaving their seats.

_I have to get out of here. Baby steps…_ He halted as he entered the parking lot, remembering that he was supposed to check back in with the registrar from his first day to confirm his enrollment and his schedule. He looked at his watch and sighed. _She couldn't even be down the stairs yet. _There was time.

"Mrs. Nelson? I'm Jasper Hale; you told me to stop back by to confirm enrollment the other day?"

She smiled and hesitated a moment. Not being in the particular mood to be fawned over, he eased her nerves to help this run as quickly as possible. A thought crossed his mind, _Why don't I calm down Anna? She would be less prone to find herself the victim of a fatal schoolgirl crush, I assume…_ Then he found himself contradicting his own thoughts, attesting that he didn't necessarily _want_ to stop her nerves that came with his close proximity. Especially the blood that rushed to her cheeks when he flashed her his perfect smile…

_Stay focused. She'll be coming this way soon._

"Yes, I remember you. Are there any changes you would like to make to your schedule before we lock it up for the semester?"

He hesitated, wondering if he should take his chance to spare the girl any harm that might be coming her way in the near future. But Edward and Carlisle had been so confident in the whole thing – they were so proud of him for taking a step forward. Could he disappoint them by cowering away from this human girl? Did he _want_ to separate himself from her?

"No, thank you."

"Alright, then." She smiled and punched a few keys and clicked a few buttons. "Welcome to Simon Fraser, Mr. Hale."

He adjusted his bag and sighed. "Thank you." _What have you done?_ He mentally slapped himself in the forehead.

As he exited the office, he took a swift scan of the library. Warily, he inhaled. Thousands of scents tickled his nostrils and throat, but none contained the fire that had accompanied the girl's presence. With his newfound assurance, he made a break for the parking lot, once again holding his breath.

He tried to keep at a human pace as he made his way to the car. A faint vibration from deep within his bag caught his attention, and he swiftly pulled his cell phone out.

"Yes?"

"Hey, Jazz, it's me."

"I know."

"I was just calling to see how everything went today?" Jasper sighed. Edward was trying to sound supportive, but Jasper knew what he was really asking. _Is the girl still alive? Were you strong enough?_

"It was better than expected." He pulled his keys out of his pocket as he came up to the driver side of the Volvo. He took in another breath to continue his response. The air filled his throat with fire, mercilessly stinging the walls of his esophagus. He dropped the phone as he tried to catch his breath and keep control.

"Jasper?" A small, concerned voice pierced into his eardrums. He turned around to face the girl, trying to force a collected smile. "Are you okay? You look a little sick."

He slowly breathed in, keeping delicate control over his impulses. "Yes. I'm fine. I just didn't have breakfast this morning, so I'm starting to get a headache." She looked a little uneasy, worried about his peculiar and rather disconcerting behavior. He picked up his phone and whispered into it soundlessly. "Edward, I'll talk to you when I get back to the house." He hung up and slid the phone back into the front pocket of his bag, all the while never losing eye contact with Anna. He could feel her nerves in the air, which only tickled his instincts as a predator all the more. He calmed her down enough not to be a fatal distraction before speaking again. "Did you need something?"

She shook her head of whatever confusion had clouded her mind and returned to her original purpose for instigating the conversation. "Oh, yeah. I was going to ask you after class, but you left so quickly…"

"Sorry. I really wanted to get home for the day – I'm really not feeling too well."

"I'm sorry. I've got a granola bar in my bag if you want it. I think there's some Advil in here, too…" She began sifting through her bag.

He held his hand up in casual protest. "No really, I just need to run home. I'll be fine, it's not too far from here."

"Oh, okay. Well, I hope you get to feeling better." She smiled, verifying her concern. Jasper couldn't help but smile back when she did this, for the image of her smiling face overwhelmed him, as if she was controlling _his_ mood through the expression.

"Thank you." He turned to his car and suddenly remembered that she hadn't come here to wish him good health, and turned back to face her. "Did you say you needed something?"

She laughed, embarrassed, and hit her forehead. "Yes, I did. I was just wondering if maybe I could get your email or cell number or something…" she nervously stumbled through her sentence, "so we can figure out when to get together to work on the lab assignment due next week."

_Of all the classes you could have had with her, you have to share the one that requires an extra five or six hours each week. _He sighed mentally. He knew email was best, but he found himself wanting her to have his phone number. He suddenly wished he could call her to talk about something outside of their class, and that she would want to listen.

This all confused Jasper quite a bit – it had been decades since he had experienced this type of angst and uncertainty. His thoughts flickered abruptly to Alice, and deep sadness began to fill every contour of his body.

"Email is fine." He hurriedly wrote his address on the back of a receipt from his pocket and handed it to her with a half-hearted smile, eager to get off of today's emotional roller coaster. "I'll see you in class." He unlocked his car door and opened it, setting his bag in the passenger seat.

He felt the disappointment radiating from her and turned around to bid her a final goodbye. To his surprise, her face hid the emotion exceptionally well, though he knew better. He nodded and smiled a little wider to try and alleviate the discontentedness in the air. "Bye."

She waved shyly and gave a smile as she turned to head to her car. For a split second, he considered the possibility of moving on from the love of his life. After all, she was gone now – physically, anyways. He leaned on his hand as he placed it on the roof of the car and closed his eyes, lowering his head. His entire body began to shake subtly, and his breathing hitched. Her face consumed his mind, and the memory of her fragrance haunted his senses. He felt her touch, as real as if it had been supernaturally preserved on his skin.

His eyes flashed open, begging to escape the pain that accompanied her face that was quickly consuming him. He looked over his shoulder at Anna as she unlocked her car and slid into the seat. A wave of anger came over him. He was angry at his family for moving on with their lives. He was angry with Edward for suggesting loving someone else. He was angry with Alice for putting herself in harm's way. Underneath each of these subsets rested an anger with himself for looking over his shoulder at the human girl.

He almost broke the car door as he got in and slammed it shut. He hung a right at the exit of the parking lot, heading the opposite direction of the house. Three sets of soul mates were not his idea of a good time right now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

When the Volvo was about to run out of gas, Jasper pulled into a parking garage, locked it, and started walking down the street. He was in Vancouver now, but he still wanted to get further away. His first thought was to run as far north as land would let him, but there was something peaceful about the suburb he now found himself in.

A light breeze made its way past him; the scent of the sea was on it. The clouds steadily shifted in the sky – they were translucent enough, the sun wouldn't reveal too much. It wouldn't hurt to take a short walk through town.

After about fifteen minutes, he started to get bored. The town was appealing enough, but most of the boutiques and restaurants obviously would not cater to his interests. He looked at his watch and stopped walking. Someone would realize he wasn't coming back on time any minute now. He pulled out his cell phone, knowing it would be ringing soon, most likely with Edward on the other line wondering why Jasper had hung up so quickly in the parking lot.

_They'll get over it. I'll be back later. _ He turned it off and slid it back into his jacket pocket. He took the opportunity to sit on a bench and step back from the scenario. After scanning the vast array of establishments, a small, eclectic coffee shop caught his eye – not because of the menu, of course. There was also a small bookstore that shared the space. The sign read: _Common Grounds. _

_Clever, _he mused.

He smiled to himself as the small bell at the top of the door jingled. He scanned the room, feeling oddly peaceful. The shop was homey, with the walls covered in obscure wallpaper, as well as murals and canvases by local artists. None of the furniture matched – a yellow velvet couch, a marble end table, a desk, a dark green loveseat – yet it managed to be charming in its own peculiar fashion. He made his way to the bookshelves nestled in the oversized nook and began perusing a few titles. Most of them seemed to be quite dated, and it seemed most of the authors were unheard of. _Probably a collection of local works over the years,_ he mused. He flipped through the yellowed pages, smoothing each one out delicately as skimmed through the text. The opening chapters spiked his interest, coming to Jasper as a pleasant surprise. It had been a long while since he'd found a good book he hadn't already read decades before.

He tucked it under his arm and skimmed the rest of the titles. _Edward would appreciate this place. _ He made a mental note to bring him by there another time. He knew who else would appreciate it, but he wasn't about to let himself go there. Pushing the thought aside, he made his way over to the register and set the book down on the counter as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket. He looked up and saw the barista smiling back at him and he chuckled to himself.

"Your total is $16.23." As he pulled out his wallet to pay, he sensed tension in the air. It became very stiff. Whoever was standing behind him was definitely not having a good day. He handed the money to the girl and put his change back in his wallet, and tucked his new purchase under his arm again.

He stood there, flipping through the pages again. This would be a nice break from things. Now, to find a calm, isolated spot to start reading this…

"Oh, come on… you've _got _to be kidding me." He looked up and noticed the girl who had been standing behind him, the one seeming to be in a frightfully bad mood. She was digging through her purse, obviously short a few dollars that she had not anticipated. She sighed and put her wallet back in the purse and looked at the barista, defeated. "Nevermind, I guess. Thanks anyways."

Jasper felt bad for her. His day wasn't going too well, either. Almost without thinking, he walked up to the counter and pulled out his wallet, sliding five dollars across the counter. "Here, keep the change." He looked at the girl, who was not quite sure how to react.

The barista picked up a cup and a permanent marker. "Name?"

Jasper looked over to the girl, who was still processing his most recent transaction. "Excuse me, miss? What is your name?"

She shook her head, to no gain, and replied, "Amber."

He nodded and turned back to the register. "Amber it is, then." He pocketed his wallet and took his book back under his arm and proceeded to the counter to wait for the drink.

"Thank you," she said sheepishly as she approached him. "You didn't have to do that. It was really kind of you."

Jasper examined the first page of his book, then flipped back to the cover and showed it to her. "Have you read this book?"

She laughed nervously, obviously unsure of what to say to this handsome stranger. "No, I can't say that I have."

He turned it over in his hands. "I think it will be a good read." He could feel her nerves around her. She didn't know how to talk to him – something that he dealt with quite often. He slowly calmed her nerves, just enough to stop fidgeting with the strap of her purse. The barista produced her drink on the pick-up counter, and Jasper picked it up and handed it to her with a small, calming smile.

"I hope your day gets better." He smiled at her and let the wave of calm take over her sour mood. She began to smile, but he left without another word.

He needed to get out of there. _You're here to be alone, you idiot, _he scolded himself. He knew why he'd done that for the woman in line, though. He empathized with her. His day wasn't exactly going smoothly, either.

The sun hit his face and he sidestepped into the shadow of the textured walls and aging shop signs as he walked, much slower now.

"Wait!"

His pace quickened as he began regretting his impulsive behavior. There was a reason he tried to limit his interaction with humans – though his time so far at Simon Fraser had been helping him exercise more self-control.

"Please wait, just for a minute!"

_Keep walking, Jasper,_ he repeated over in his head. Ever since he had met Anna it was as if he'd developed a weakness for human girls. He was beginning to understand Edward's obsession with Bella a few years ago more and more each day. _Don't turn around…_

"Thank you," she repeated. Shock still laced her voice, partly due to his unexpected philanthropy, partly due to the stunning perfection Jasper knew they all saw in his face. "Um.." she shifted her weight and composed herself for a moment before asking hesitantly, "Do you want to have dinner?"

Jasper smiled, flattered a little, and he looked anywhere but at her. How was he supposed to turn her down? Why did he care about human feelings all of the sudden? His pocket began vibrating. He knew who it was, but he checked anyways. _Edward_, he read. _You'll get over it._ He slid it back into his pocket. "Sorry."

She laughed nervously. "I'm sorry. I don't really think before I speak. You just.. caught me by surprise back there."

"Surprise? How so?"

"You were just… being really nice… and it's been a long day…" She rubbed her forehead. Now it was her turn to avoid making eye contact. "Actually," she looked back at him, "it's been a really long year." He saw the pain flicker across her face as she tried to suppress it. He knew what that felt like. He began to say something, but she continued. "You just… you helped." He stared at her, unsure of how to process what she was saying. "I'm, uh, sorry for blurting out the dinner invitation. I haven't really done anything like that in a while."

_Ah,_ he thought, _she's lost someone._ "It's no problem, really. Don't worry about it. I know the feeling."

He smiled and nodded in assurance, and turned to keep walking. "My husband died last September." He stopped, not turning around. He felt her growing heavy with grief, and couldn't ignore her hitched breathing. He looked over his shoulder at her.

She shrugged. "This is the first time I've said it out loud." Jasper turned completely around to face her – again, unsure how to react. "Sorry to drop that on you. You just seem like a good person to say it to."

He watched the pain take over her, being all too familiar with the experience. His mind immediately became cluttered with her face and her touch and her scent. "Are you over it now?" He had to know – would this torture ever come to an end?

She shook her head and gathered herself together once again. "No. Not really."

Jasper could barely get the words out. "How do you live with it?"

She shrugged again and looked at the horizon and took a deep breath before turning back to him. "One day at a time."

"Isn't that rather overwhelming after a while?" He tried to mask his intention in asking, to little avail.

"I was doing okay. I just… forgot." She smiled. "You reminded me today."

He wanted to keep asking her how to get through it, how to get them out of your head and be able to get through a day without feeling like the inside of your heart is eroding minute by minute. He wanted to ask her how she kept the will to live, but he couldn't seem to muster up the strength to speak anymore. Today had been hard enough.

She nodded and turned around, heading in the other direction. "Hey," she shouted from the corner. Jasper looked up at her. "I hope it gets better." She smiled one last time before disappearing around the corner.

Jasper wanted to move. He wanted to wander off like he had originally intended to do when he drove off this afternoon. He wanted to leave, but Alice wouldn't let him. He heard her telling him to go back to their family and be with them. That's what she would have said, had she been there.

Reluctantly, he headed back towards the parking garage he had left the car in. Amber's words swarmed around his mind, clouded with images of Alice's face conflicting with Anna's. _Too many A's, _he joked half-heartedly. He stopped – a headline had caught his eye. He turned back to the newspaper dispenser and read it again, skimming the article. _Carlisle will want to look at this. _He bought a copy and tucked it under his arm with his book, which suddenly didn't seem so intriguing anymore, and continued on to the car. His phone vibrated again – but this time, he answered it.

"I'll be back later. I'm on my way home now." He hung up without another word.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Edward's ears perked up as he heard the Volvo pull up outside the house. His body tensed – he was furious with Jasper after the episode today. He stood to go meet him outside, but was thwarted by Bella's hand touching his arm.

"Edward, calm down. He's obviously had a really rough day." _Well, more than usual,_ she added.

He pulled his arm free gently, half-acknowledging her warning. The entire family was sitting in the living room waiting for Jasper to return. Esme was a mess, Carlisle gravely concerned, Emmett annoyed. It had been hard on everyone since the incident as they tried to learn to juggle their own grief over the loss, as well as Jasper's worsening condition, all while to staying sensitive to his pain-induced mood swings.

He practically slammed the door off of its hinges as he met Jasper on the driveway.

Jasper nodded. "Edward."

"Where the hell have you been?" Edward spit out, almost cutting him off. "Esme is falling apart, not to mention the entire family. Bella is barely keeping it together."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "I know, Edward. You think I'm not aware of that? I know this is hard for everyone."

"Then start acting like it. You can't just run off somewhere without telling us where or how long," he paused to keep control of himself. "We're your family."

Jasper set his things on the hood of the car and approached Edward. "Really? I seem to recall similar behavior exhibited by yourself not too long ago. Why is it all the sudden not okay for me to need time alone?"

"We had no idea where you were. And _that_…that was different. I was trying to keep myself from destroying our life in Forks, not to mention myself. From the sound of things, you threw a temper tantrum this afternoon and stormed away."

"You don't know what happened this afternoon," he snapped. He began to pace, trying to keep calm. Edward stepped closer, talking louder with each exclamation.

"Then _tell me_, Jasper. Talk to me. Talk to all of us. You've still got people to turn to, you know."

Jasper snapped around to Edward, yelling now. "I can't run to the person I love the most when I'm falling apart, Edward. That's not how my life works anymore." He tried desperately to collect himself as he spoke. "I went to her with _everything_. Every… single thing. I'm sorry if you're upset, but all I know how to do right now is to run away." He shook his head, trying to make sense of all of the feelings pulsing through his head. Edward stood, silenced by the outburst, and took in what was flowing through Jasper's head. He heard Amber's words of encouragement. He saw Alice smiling, telling Jasper to go home – her face and voice nearly sent Edward into his own spiral of emotion. Then, through all of it, Edward saw Anna and the scene that had played out in the parking lot today. He saw her next to Jasper in class. He felt Jasper's frustration, which was beginning to mix heavily with unnerving affection.

Jasper sighed and grabbed his things from the car and began walking back into the house. He stopped in front of Edward. "Don't tell anybody. I'm still figuring this out." Edward nodded, and followed slowly behind Jasper as he went inside.

Jasper tried to ignore the five pairs of golden eyes that he felt on his back as he hung his coat by the stairs. He sighed and turned to face them. He could feel their concern, especially Esme's. Edward was right – she _was _a mess. He felt a little guilty for making her worry so much. He looked down at the book, tapping it against his palm. He eased the tension steadily, trying to redeem the situation. He _had _been rash today. It was a tantrum. He knew that; he also knew that nothing made sense right now, and he certainly wasn't going to try to make it so. He looked back up at them and shrugged.

"I'm fine." Nothing. He looked down at his book again. "I…I'm working through it."

He turned to go upstairs, but he stopped as Esme spoke, her voice laced with anxiety and worry. "Jasper…" She walked up to him as he turned to face her. He knew if she could, she would be crying right now. That upset him. He smiled at her half-heartedly, not sure what to say.

It was then that Carlisle caught a fragment of the headline on the folded newspaper that peeked out of the inside pocket of Jasper's coat. He couldn't see the entire story, but it was enough to spike his interest.

"What do you have there?" He pointed at the coat. This broke Jasper's gaze with Esme, and he looked back at the coat rack, which he had forgotten about until now. He turned back to Carlisle, who noted the concern that had replaced the angst on Jasper's face.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." He looked at Edward, knowing he'd he probably already knew all about the article through Jasper's 'eyes'.

Carlisle took the baton and moved to walk upstairs, putting his hand on Jasper's shoulder as a signal to come with him. "Well, everyone seems to be alright. I don't think it calls for any hovering." He shot a playful, yet reassuring smile to his wife, who laughed and nodded lightly.

The two began walking up the stairs, Edward following. Jasper continued, but Carlisle stopped Edward. "Let me talk to him alone."

"Carlisle, I won't be left out of this discussion. That article…"

He rested his hand on Edward's shoulder, taking on a direct reflection of a father figure. "I'll tell you about it later, I promise. I want to talk to him, one on one."

But he continued to protest, "Look, I know what happened today and I'd like to-"

"I know you do. And I think it'd be good for him to be able to talk to someone who doesn't know every intimate detail of his grief as it happens. I want to talk to him alone for a little while." Edward gave an abrupt nod in compliance, which Carlisle returned with a grateful smile before meeting Jasper upstairs in his office.

Carlisle found him staring at his wall of photos, fixated on a portrait of he and Esme from the early 1900s. His heart wrenched for Jasper's pain. How was he to help him recover? A vampire losing a loved one is far more crushing than a human – vampires must live with the loss for eternity. How were any of them to fully recover? He shook the thoughts from his head, trying to focus on the issue at hand – the newspaper and, more importantly, Jasper's happiness.

"May I see it?" Jasper looked to the ground for a split second, obviously finding himself in his thoughts. He pulled the folded newspaper out of its pocket and handed it to Carlisle, who read through it in seconds.

He sat on the edge of his desk and folded his arms, resting his chin in his left hand. He stared at the floor as he spoke. "It says they've been happening for weeks. Weeks…"

"I know. All the stigmas are there, too. They're labeling them as animal attacks."

"It's an animal all right." He tossed the paper on the desk, which lay front page up with a large headline reading, **DEATHS PLAGUING FORESTS STILL A MYSTERY**.

"Do we stop them?"

"I don't know. We don't know what we're dealing with – it could be a newborn. There could be more than one. We don't know what kind of abilities they possess." _It didn't work out very well for us last time, _he thought gloomily.

"The Volturi will find out. They'll put and end to it. They'll come here." Carlisle sighed. "We have to stop it ourselves, Carlisle. The Volturi are the last thing we need in our lives right now."

The doctor stood back up and looked out the window, knowing what must happen to preserve their life here. "I'll put out word for some nearby covens to begin looking around…and to join us, if it comes to that."

"Do we need them to?"

"None of us are in the condition to fight on our own. There's too much that's happened too recently."

The soldier in Jasper began to arouse as he began analyzing the situation. "Carlisle, we're strong. There can't be that many of them – three, maybe four at the most. And there are eight of…" He trailed off, calming himself down. He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. "Seven… of us."

He locked eyes with Carlisle – the one thing he had wanted to avoid. Carlisle was going to ask questions, and wants he was staring at him straight in the eye there was no refusing him.

"Jasper, you are a part of this family. I won't let you deal with this alone." The younger vampire didn't respond. "Tell me how you are doing."

"You know how I'm doing."

"No. I know that you are in a stage of immense grief. I know it's been difficult. I know you're having conflicting feelings about that girl from the university. Jasper, tell me how you are doing."

"I'm…" he looked away as he searched for a way to describe how exactly he was doing, but soon found that _he _didn't even know. What did these feelings for Anna mean? How had his experience that afternoon in Vancouver affected him? And how come no matter how many things are distracting him, they don't drown out her voice or her face or her scent?

He turned his attention to Carlisle's loving eyes. They were filled with concern and compassion. He truly cared about what he was going through.

"I don't know." Carlisle slowly nodded, waiting for Jasper to continue. "She's everywhere." Carlisle didn't move. "It hurts. Physically." He looked at the floor again. "Mentally. Emotionally." He looked back at Carlisle. "Spiritually."

Carlisle took in his sparse confession. He knew Jasper, and Jasper was not one to use the term spirit lightly – or ever, really. He knew Jasper had more questions haunting concerning Anna, but he didn't want to push him. "Okay."

There was a long, awkward pause. Carlisle continued to watch Jasper, who tried desperately to avoid his gaze. "May I go?"

"Yes." He took the paper and held it up. "I'll have some friends in that area do a little… research. We'll keep an eye on the situation."

Jasper nodded and swiftly escaped the office.


End file.
